These last few weeks have been strange in terms of classes - I have had the bookings, but the number of people not turning up last minute is overwhelming! I'm sure some of this can be due to the cold and dark time of year, illnesses going around, and busy preparations for Christmas, however my fear is that no-one wants what I have to offer.
Realistically in terms of balance perhaps I can't expect to be teaching full time, however I feel I can help lots of people who need it, but for some reason they are experiencing resistance. Is the resistance because of me? Can I do anything about it, I ask myself. As I sit with this question, looking to my heart for the answer, I understand that yes, it is partly to do with me.
Because in trying to provide a class which lives up to people's expectations, I am holding back, I am not speaking my whole truth. And although this truth does not always fit in with the beliefs of others, I believe those who come to my classes would be more comfortable with my openness.
In my personal experience of movement I can talk about levels of feeling, and how to integrate movement and feeling into our lives in order to reach a deeper awareness, awakeness and consciousness. These concepts sound big, foreign and intangible, but actually I'm talking small - it's about filtering out everything else, and focusing only on the self, getting to know ourselves.
Any view of myself that places me as inexperienced, too young, shy or quiet is no longer relevant, and is something that I am ready to let go of. For I know in my heart that it is my youth which allows me to see things as they truly are, and it is my previous lifetimes of experience which give me wisdom. This is the time, place and situation I have chosen in which to let out and share the truth of my heart.
I do this by being fully myself, and by allowing my heart to be open. I talk about offering a safe space for people to practice in, and I now realise that the space should be clean and protected energetically also. As I am someone who feels and works with my own energy on a daily basis, who believes in living from the heart, there is no reason for me not to integrate heart based energy work into my work too.
I've thought about why I do movement, but what about how I do it? What can I teach so that my students can take away these techniques and use them intuitively, as I personally do all the time. Is the answer in meditation? Yes I believe so, and so in the New Year I will offer a free meditation event, to start to share my techniques with the world.
On that note however I don’t feel this post is complete, for this is only on side of the story, albeit the only side I can personally address. I'd love to know if you have experienced resistance to coming to a session, and if you go deep into your heart for the answer, what are the reasons? Please let me know your thoughts and feelings on this, I'd love to hear from you by whatever method suits you best, and whether it's now or in a year's time that you feel ready to shat about it, I honestly appreciate your feedback.